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I believe there is one problem that surpasses all others in its impact on men, women, and society. It is the father wound. We focus on the importance of mothers in determining the well-being of children. However, the father wound, resulting from physical or emotional absence of the father, has been largely ignored. The father wound may be the most pervasive, most important, and least recognized problem facing men and their families today.

Millions more have dads who are physically present, but emotionally absent. If it were classified as a disease, fatherlessness would be an epidemic worthy of attention as a national emergency. The effects of growing up without a loving, engaged, father ripple through the generations and contribute to many of the most serious problems we face in our society today including:. As a result, millions of men and women suffer from physical, emotional, and relationship problems, but are not aware of the causes. John Finch has made it his life work to heal the father wound and to help others heal as well.

The Psychology Behind Strained Father Son Relationships

In his book, he describes the father wound this way:. There are two important things we need to know about the father wound.


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First, fathers who wound their children were themselves wounded as children. We must accept that we were wounded, but also learn to forgive our fathers for the wounds they inflicted. Blaming ourselves or blaming others perpetuates the wound. John Finch was in his forties before he began the process of healing.

I was in my fifties. Many of us never realized we were wounded. But, truly the past is always present in our lives and the father wound is waiting for us to heal it whenever we are ready.

The Psychology Behind Strained Father Son Relationships

I look forward to hearing your own experiences. Jed, Thanks for sharing your experience.


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I can relate. I had an emotionally unavailable father. I left home 28 years ago.


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I was that way with my children. As a result of my actions my marriage is in trouble. I pray that it is not too late.

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God Bless John for bringing this to our attention. Charles, Thanks for writing. The father wounds can devastate a relationship and often lie hidden until there is a major problem. I, too, pray, that you can regain your true self and that your wife recognizes that healing can occur and your marriage is worth saving. Its my own story of healing and how I healed the wounds and saved my marriage. Hang in there, my friend. The healing is worth it.

6 Types of Unhealthy Father Daughter Relationships

His father, my grandfather, was a tyrant. My mother was neglected by her father and thus was taken away as a baby to a home for children. She chose my father. Then she chose my stepfather who was very tough on me and my brother and set such a high bar of expectations so we would fail time and again and then he could show his superiority as he was very successful. I then was in a relationship with a man and we have 2 boys. His father was angry a lot of his childhood. The father of my children left when our boys were 1 and 3 and then moved to Europe when they were 5 and 3 and barely sees or speaks with them now.

My sons are 11 and 13 and I have put all these pieces together a few years back about this perpetual father wound that has been on a repeat cycle. I feel very guilt. The wound can be caused by:. The effect of a father wound is low self-esteem, a deep emotional pain inside and a performance orientation that makes us "doers" rather than "beings.

When Children Are Better Off Fatherless

We tend to have four barriers that inhibit the healing of this wound:. Instead of going to the pain and receiving the healing we need, we tend to respond to life events by creating a misconception about our "Self. As long as we accept these words as truth , we will experience depressed, anxious and angry lives. When misconceptions about God are present i. As long as we accept these words as truth, we will seek to perform and prove our worth through perfectionism and materialism, or seek addictions to cover up the pain.

This new perspective created in you will now enable you to see your birth father through different eyes, and allow you to live in freedom. If you liked this article and would like to go deeper, we have some helpful resources below. Free advice on marriage, parenting and Christian living delivered straight to your inbox.